FILM THEORY: What It Means To Be "Written By A Woman"

 

     Hi friends! A PSA for this month's blog: I'll, yet again, be talking about the relationship between men and women as lovers in the media. While I'll mainly be talking about heterosexual couples when addressing this blog's concepts, I do not want the perception to be that I believe that is the ONLY kind of couple that should be actively normalized in the film industry. I believe we should be normalizing all kinds of people with all kinds of different relationships and sexual preferences with people having similar identities leading said projects. However, after much time on this month's post, I've decided that this blog's concepts work best if explained through the eyes of heterosexual couples. Hope you all understand and enjoy! xo


    Men. Ugh, a word 90% of those who aren't men despise, likely because they have been screwed over at least once in their life by a man. Men make life difficult; why? Because society is built for them. You know who society is not built for? Women. Nonbinary people. Trans people. Anyone who doesn't have a penis. And it sucks.

    So why are there still people on this earth who are attracted to men? I know, it's unfortunate, but I have the answer: books, films, tv shows. Media and the stories within it. 

    We, as a society, consume so much media. We are constantly being shown unrealistic expectations of life, its excitement, adventures, love, friendship, etc. that when we implement those expectations and feelings into our own lives, we are deeply disappointed time and time again. The same goes for the expectation of men.

    Now I'm not talking about the expectation of men to, ya know, not hurt their partners, not catcall on the streets, not say phrases like "Make me a sandwich". No, I'm talking about your Mr. Darcy, your Laurie Lawrence, your Simon Duke of Hastings, your Gilbert Blythe, your Jesse Wallace, your Noah (The Notebook), your Jack Dawson. The men who constantly go ABOVE AND BEYOND for the women they love in the most selfless, most sexy way possible. And there's a new term that's been coined by Gen Z for these amazing, swoon worthy men: they are "men written by women".

    So what makes a man, fake or real, worthy of the phrase "written by a woman". There are different categories I have observed that a man must fall under in order to be deemed worthy of said title. And as a woman, I don't think that the expectation is all that high; but then again, I'm sure these will seem absolutely unfathomable. 

    The expectations fall under three categories: physical, emotional, and charitable. All three of them are pretty self explanatory, but I think we should go into the specific actions and expectations I find constant in each category.

    1- the physical. As someone who's love language is physical touch, this one is really important. This category doesn't include the expectations I think a lot of men would assume... it's more of the delicate, little things that women find endearing. Tucking hair behind our ears, kissing our hands, cupping our cheeks. The best cinematic example I could come up for this is the famous 2005 Pride and Prejudice hand flex. It's subtle but it's detailed, showing just how much Darcy respects and likes Lizzie. It's something that every woman I've ever talked to has agreeably swooned over (of course, the hottest thing you could ever physically ask for is consent). Noah from The Notebook is another great example; he delicately reads their story to Allie and dances with her to make her remember him; and he never gets mad when she throws an uncontrollable fit. We love male characters that pine over the women they love. 10/10

    2- the emotional. This one's a doozy. There's a lot to unpack in this category. Not only are men who are open and caring sexy, but men who are emotional enough to be proactive and think about their lover even when we don't tell them to are too. I'm talking about like in Friends when Ross remembered Rachel loved that brooch in the shop window only after her vaguely mentioning it to him once, and then him buying that exact one for her for her birthday. THAT'S the deep emotional care women find attractive. We, of course, want you to be empathetic and patient with us and our problems as well, but we also want you to treat us, make us feel special, make us feel like we are listened to and cared for all at the same time. Remember, the world doesn't provide us that kind of open space; the LEAST we could get is that space from our partner. The DETAILS make all the difference. The DETAIL of Laurie remembering exactly what habits of his Jo does or doesn't care for? That's emotional care for an intimate kind of love that women only DREAM about. 

    3- the charitable. Now this is a very vague category because unlike the first two categories (which are a little more concrete and have a good basis for you to go off of), the charitable and its meaning changes from woman to woman. The "charitable" is described with the kinds of gestures and attitude we want you to have towards others we love and care about in order to make us feel comfortable meshing two parts of life together. Seeing any man going above and beyond for someone or something their partner loves, whether it's a dog or cousin, when there is nothing in it for him is one of the all time sexiest things ever.  When Jack goes to the fancy first class dinner with Rose to put her at ease? That's charitable. Depending on the woman, the charitable category can have different meanings and different people involved, so keep that in mind. And if you have taken nothing else from this category: open-mindedness, thoughtfulness, and empathy are the most attractive "written by a woman" characteristics women will probably require from you. 

    Another thought from a previous point I made is that no, obviously not all of these men were actually written by women (even though a lot of my most favorite and timeless characters are), BUT when this pattern was recognized, most of the men that were pulled were written by women, whether it was women who wrote 200 years ago or 5 years ago.

    The point? Women have been having the same expectations for men for YEARS. Have men done anything but silence us and gaslight us out of those expectations? Not really. However, have the past few years brought about an open mindedness and normalization of men who do fit this "status quo" through the exposure and accessibility of the Internet? YES. And isn't that exciting?!

    Bringing female voices behind the scenes in the media we are exposed to allow for men seen through the female gaze to become normalized (go check out my July 2021 blog if you're confused by that statement). If we can create more well rounded media to accurately reflect the expectations of life with the correct ratios of those who are in society, every media consumer will find their voice somewhere in the mix. And we won't be subjected to watching yet ANOTHER low budget movie made be yet ANOTHER Quinten Tarantino wannabe. 

    So is the exposure of men "written by women" getting better? Of course. But we still have a long way to go. Men? Listen to artistic women. They have the backup of women from over 200+ years ago with both fictitious and factual evidence to make their claims. You just need the willingness to give women the space to make their voices heard.

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